About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
