whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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