there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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