Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
