I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
