she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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