the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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