I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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