hotel room ftw
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
