So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He shit in the fireplace
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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