My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
