If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
