Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
