There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
