You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She's not a foreskin expert like you
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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