drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
