I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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