i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
