Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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