There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
