I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
