Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
