he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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