You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
