oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
