5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
