these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
