my room smells like sperm. sweet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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