Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
