how can u be prego again
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
