Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
