dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
