You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
