Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
