The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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