all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
