So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just had sex bonerless
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
