It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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