I smell stomach acid.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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