i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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