I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
