I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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