Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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