Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
