we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
