Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
