I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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