This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
