Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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