This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
