You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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